1. Distract Yourself
Doug did just about anything he could to avoid thinking about the giant interdimensional hole in his living room. He tried mediation, pottery, weight lifting, even tai chi. His therapist told him the hole didn’t exist. Doug generally agreed, but found that position harder to maintain when an interdimensional tentacle reached through his wall and accidentally slapped him while groping for fodder to feed one of its dozen mouths. But better a tentacle than the bug-eyed gaze of a Peeping Tom—as happened once on a date.
2. Pretend It Isn’t There
Doug had been in the kitchen preparing tea, leaving his date to bask in the radiating glow which filled the living room. The colors which trickled in didn’t belong on the visible spectrum, though green is a fairly close approximation.
To his date, the strange colors and ominous humming felt like an unwelcome acid flashback. Yet for all her uneasiness, the interdimensional hole wasn’t quite a dealbreaker. Everybody had their quirks.
Seeing a fly-faced entity burst through the wall and flash her a demented grin… Now that was a deal breaker. It was also too heavy for Cherly to handle, sending her into a fit of reality-shattering screams.
Doug, calmly setting the tea on the counter and walking to the living room, did his best to reassure Cheryl what she was seeing wasn’t real. That it was merely a manifestation of repressed childhood trauma, or something… Unfortunately, his date didn’t seem to get the message.
3. Pretend Harder
Doug decided to take a break from dating and work on himself. He spent his weeks, journaling, meditating, exercising, and listening to podcasts while the hole grew larger. Cracks from the interdimensional portal spread from room to room, but Doug pretended not to notice. The house became boiling hot and the windows radiated strange cosmic colors. Doug tried calling a technician to fix the heat, but nobody dared enter.
One day, a flock of four-winged creatures resembling manta rays began nesting in Doug’s attic. He spent a few hours Googling “how to get rid of bats,” but ultimately decided to live and let live. It was something he read in The Four Agreements. Or was it The Power of Now? He could never remember.
4. Give Yourself a Pep Talk
Some days, ignoring the hole was easier than others. But the journey to self-improvement was a process—at least that’s what Doug tried to tell himself. When its radioactive glow distracted him from watching television, or its position between the TV and his stereo made cleaning difficult, he tried box breathing. When that failed he recited affirmations.
“I am bigger than the problems I think I have,” he’d proclaim as the interdimensional hole loomed over him, big and green as ever. Then he’d state, “I have control over my life and home.” Unfortunately, the gurgling which echoed from the cosmic void made that difficult to believe. Finally, he’d end by saying, “my challenges are opportunities for growth,” which was true, and offered him a bit of solace in those strange days.
5. Face Your Fears Head On
One day, after morning yoga and before pottery class, Doug decided enough was enough. The interdimensional hole had been sitting in his living room for nearly three months and he was still dancing around the problem. Doug decided the only way to prove the hole was a figment of his overactive imagination was to step into the glowing green void. So with unshakable courage, he ventured to go where no person had ever gone. Doug stepped into the void.
6. Go Back to Pretending
Doug didn’t feel any different when he stepped outside to grab the mail. If anything he felt lighter—as if a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He began whistling as he walked, attracting the attention of Fred, Doug’s elderly neighbor who was hard at work mowing his lawn. Fred could hardly believe what he saw, and Fred had seen a lot of strange shit over the past few months.
“Are you alright Doug?”
“Just peachy Fred. How ‘bout you?”
“I’m good. I’m good.” There was a pause. “The only reason I ask… it’s just that… well… you’re glowing.”
“Thank you. I’ve really tried to give myself space to prioritize my mental health.”
“No, you’re literally glowing!”
“Ok then, you have a good one. Make sure to tell the missus I say hi!”
Doug chuckled as he closed the door behind him. Oh Fred, what a joker, he thought as he stepped into the bathroom. Doug flipped the switch and the lights flickered on. The face he found staring back at him in the mirror would have horrified most other people, but Doug was not most people.
Doug’s chestnut hair had turned white as snow, his skin radiated a previously unseen color, and a budding tentacle wriggled from his left nostril. Doug took three deep breaths, gave his reflection a smile, and got ready for pottery class. He stumbled across his reflection again in his car window looking even stranger and more radiant than before. This caught Doug by surprise, but he quickly found his footing. “You’re more than your fears,” he mouthed in a quiet attempt to assure himself that everything would be alright.