🦀 You Are Become Crab, a Roleplaying Adventure for Ages 12+

by Laura DeHaan

Carcinization is sweeping the nation! The question is not ‘do you have what it takes to become crab?’, but rather, ‘what kind of crab will you become?’ Create your own unique starting class or use our quick start guide to begin your crabventure!

CHOOSE YOUR CRAB!

• Brutal Crab: Can move forward and backward, as well as sideways. Gets one extra attack per round. Has a great fear  of the the depths of the oblivion.
• The Star Crab: Able to cast spells. Can dual-wield wands. Does not regenerate lost limbs.
• Crabamama: No cooldown between spawn cycles.

CHOOSE YOUR STARTING COMPANION!

• Mantis Shrimp: Rage meter fills at 5x speed.
• Immortal Jellyfish: Has infinite, but brief, lives.
• Sea Cucumber: Can camp anywhere. Likely to  get overcrowded.

CHOOSE YOUR STARTING WEAPON!

• Winkler-Cracker: Does both piercing and bludgeoning damage.
• Wand of Gulls: Summons a colony of hungry seagulls. Does not work below the Epipelagic Zone. Can be upgraded to Wand of Water-Breathing Gulls.
• Stunning Pom-Poms: Deals a random status effect instead of direct damage.

CHOOSE YOUR QUESTLINE!

• Evolutionary Domination: Make new friends! Lots of new friends—friends you have a chemical connection with. (Intended for mature audiences.)
• Oceanic Domination: You begin in the Sunlight Zone, with the whole of epipelagicia around you. Will you be content exploring islands of floating trash and forging alliances between species in an effort to control this thinnest and shallowest layer of the ocean... or will you brave the looming dark and seek to conquer the very depths of the Hadal Zone? (The Sunlight Zone is recommended for beginners as a tutorial to the world of You Are Become Crab.)
• Mental Domination: Spurning the binary notion of dividing this plane of existence between Dry World and Wet World, your goal is to turn the very fabric of reality into Crab. Will you start a cult and place yourself as the crab messiah? Will you infiltrate government labs to create a strain of crab-based cordyceps? Or will you nurture a media empire whose sole purpose is to enforce crab? Crabs? CRABS? CRABS! CRABS!! CRABS!!! CRABS!!!!!

ARE YOU FEELING THE PINCH?

Use this clawsome table to crab-start your imagination!

THE STORY SO FAR

Your team of tiny crabs is now ready to enter the Sponge Parade, but oh no! A terrible tiger shark has swallowed everyone’s favorite emcee, Spongia Officinalis! You’ll have to talk or fight your way (or maybe just look very appetizing) straight into the belly of the tiger shark to rescue the emcee and save the parade!

Legend tells of a savory weapon whose ownership could decide the fate of all crustaceans, but wielding it could drive the user mad. Dare you seek the awesome power and risk the curse of Fury Butter?

Think your shell is hard enough? It’s a battle royale in expert mode when the All-Nude Molting Season begins!

WILL YOU ANSWER THE CALL?

You awaken in the shallows of an unknown beach. The eyeless corpse of a sea bass lies beside you, the rot suggesting it, if not you, has been here for some time. You can’t remember your name. A timid voice calls out from a tide pool. “Hello? Is anyone there?”

WHAT WILL YOU DO NEXT?

1. Burrow! Burrow quickly! They can’t get you if they can’t find you!
2. Say nothing. You won’t be fooled again.
3. “Yes! Yes, I’m here! I’m very helpless and afraid!” Reach for a shard of broken glass.
4. “Wait there, I’ll come find you.” Scurry up the lip of the tide pool.
5. Throw the sea bass into the tide pool.
   1. Roll a d20 Strength Check, DC 15. 
      1. 1-14: The sea bass flops on top of you, attracting the attention of a passing gull. Roll for initiative! 
      2. 15-20: The sea bass is hurled into the tide pool. “Ow!” cries the timid voice. A passing gull, attracted by the splash, swoops down to the pool. “Oh no, help!” Roll for initiative!
6. Investigate the sea bass.
   1. Roll a d20 Flavor Check, DC 10. 
      1. 1-9: It’s been dead about a week. Must have washed up on shore. 
      2. 10-20: It’s been dead about a week, but there’s another flavor under its own. It wasn’t alone when it died.)

YOU ARE BECOME CRAB!

Crab well. Crab wisely.