👽 MyTrueAlienAncestry.com by Kurt Newton
far out dna
👽 MyTrueAlienAncestry.com
by Kurt Newton
Celtic bloodlines? Been there.
Ancient Greek origins? Done that.
Descendants of the Goddess Nefertiti? Please.
Did you know that one in twelve Americans have Martian DNA? That's right! Descendants of the dying planet Mars who participated in the great exodus to planet Earth. Who knew?
Here at MyTrueAlienAncestry.com, we believe in going back—way back to the earliest detectable hint at a probable link to alien ancestry.
Forget about the Neanderthals. Forget about Olduvai Gorge. The Leakeys were nice people but, let's face it, they were looking in the wrong place.
Ever dream of a destination that doesn't exist here on Earth? Landscapes too fantastic to be real? Twin suns? Two, three, even four moons? You're not imagining some Hollywood CGI creation. It's your mitochondrial memory sending you postcards from a place far, far away, from long, long ago. It's true!
Here are some testimonials by satisfied customers:
"When I received word that I'm a direct descendant of a hive of alien creatures living in the hollow Earth fifty million years ago, I was flabbergasted. It sure does explain my irrational fear of bats." — Ted Hardy, Baton Rouge, LA
"Through MyTrueAlienAncestry.com, I found out that my ancestors not only designed the Pyramids, they designed them on another planet long before they came to colonize Earth. My Momma always told me I was special. She just didn't know how special." — Chelsea Jackson-Williams, Washington D.C.
"After learning I was a slightly greater than zero probability partial genetic match for the race of alien cephalopods that colonized the ancient sunken city of Atlantis, my life hasn't been the same. All of my dreams make sense to me now. Thank you, MyTrueAlienAncestry.com!" — Sonny Spleefer, Seattle, WA
Over the years, the media has portrayed aliens to be something sinister, an advanced race that will one day arrive and a) enslave us b) embody us, or c) eat us for dinner. Well, no more! We say, "Embrace your Inner Alien!"
Alien abduction? Isn't that just another name for family reunion?
Alien-human hybrid? Just another word for kissing cousin?
Our breakthrough technology allows us to reimagine the past by factoring in the wildest conspiracy theories and hair-brained pseudo-scientific claims. A team of part-time homeschooled geneticists have worked around the clock to catalogue the most in-depth compilation of alien archival data.
At MyTrueAlienAncestry.com we don't just care about your ancestry, we care about how truly alien you are.
Try our three-month introductory subscription offer for only $69.99.
Act now and receive your choice of three plush alien creatures designed by internationally acclaimed artist (and 4E+5th generation site engineer for the Nazca line landing strips in the mountains of Peru) Mako. Cute and lovable, these creatures are the best way to indoctrinate young impressionable minds into the amazing world of alien ancestry!
Discover your true alien ancestry today!
Kinopio is a spatial note taking tool for collecting and connecting your thoughts, ideas, and feelings.
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