🎙️ David Roe

Read David’s story, Par for the course, on Foofaraw now!

Do you think DiAngelo ever manages to make it off traffic duty in Ivory Bluffs?

In the universe I’ve created, which is a barely exaggerated version of our own world, DiAngelo will never make it off traffic duty. Detective Pound is a bigoted buffoon and will therefore have a long and illustrious career with the Ivory Bluffs PD. Detective DiAngelo is a reasonable, evidence-based person, and will therefore find herself permanently benched. If DiAngelo were a real person, I would strongly urge her to consider any other conceivable career.

If this story were to continue, would the death eventually be ruled death by golf ball or is Hopkins doomed to get wrapped up in the legal system?

Hopkins' fate is inextricably linked to DiAngelo’s. Both are falsely accused of something; Hopkins’ false accusation is, of course, much more serious, but DiAngelo is likewise accused of being emotional and incompetent, which is clearly untrue. In this world, both accusations will stick, and the very absurdity of the accusations will make them all the stickier. Ivory Bluffs is a clown show from the Mayor’s office down, and clowns with power can be the most dangerous people imaginable.

Does a rotten apple spoil a bunch? Can a spoiled bunch ever be fixed?

Absolutely, and it all has to do with training and acculturation. In the police example, imagine a fresh-faced rookie who notices his colleague is on the take and performs his job with casual cruelty. A morally compromised person will gleefully take this as permission to become their worst selves. But even a righteous person will feel themselves degraded over time; swimming upstream is exhausting, and the temptation to grab one’s own share of the spoils can be overwhelming.

Can it be fixed? Yes! But it requires both external pressure and a careful selection of leadership. It also calls for a certain ruthlessness—usually, large swaths of an organization must be terminated. Policies can be altered swiftly, but changing a culture takes tremendous time, effort, and a willingness to be hated.

Do you have any personal experience with bigoted police officers?

I am a heterosexual white man in Canada, a privilege that has shielded me from any negative experiences with the police, bigoted or otherwise. However, from a subject matter standpoint, institutional corruption always fascinates me as a plot driver. It creates interesting stakes and obstacles, and sets the scene for betrayals and twists. And from a comedic standpoint, I find the funniest characters are those who are both utterly confident and absolutely wrong about everything. This story combines both of these elements.

Since you made mention of the Cardinals, are you a Cardinals fan?

I am going to be honest: I may be the least sports-aware person on the planet. My wife and I are big trivia fans, and we’re pretty good, but we always need a sports expert on our team because we’re stumped by even the most basic questions. I figured our hero, Detective Pound, would be a big football guy, which is the sole reason the Cardinals make an appearance. This story did not require much research, with one exception: “Google, what is Arizona’s football team?”

Have you seen the show Deli Boys? It opens with an assassin killing an important character with a pinpoint-accurate drive. 

I have not seen that show, but it sounds hilarious! I must watch it. I recall an episode of Six Feet Under, which had a framing device at the beginning of each episode where some random person would die and then end up in the main characters’ funeral home. One episode began with a character being killed by an errant golf ball to the head. No doubt this was rattling around in my brain as I wrote this story.

What book are you reading right now?

I always have two books on the go, one fiction and one non-fiction, so please forgive the double answer. My current fiction book is Faithful Place by Tana French. It’s a murder mystery set in Ireland, featuring much more competent police officers than Detective Pound. It’s part of a series called The Dublin Murder Squad. I’m always a bit reluctant to commit to a series like this, because I prefer variety and like to read as many different authors and stories as possible. But I adore French and I’m enjoying this moody Irish mystery immensely.

The non-fiction is Abundance by Ezra Klein and Derek Thompson. It’s about the difficulty of undertaking big, much-needed infrastructure projects in America these days due to well-meaning but ultimately self-defeating regulations. They call for “a liberalism that builds,” specifically, a liberalism that can build the future: more (clean) energy, more transit, more housing. Abundance, in short. So, I suppose my current reading list reflects the interests illustrated in “Par for the Course”: murder and broken institutions.

Do you have anything else you’d like to share? 

I would like to take the opportunity to thank my endlessly talented friends in my writer’s group, “Up, Down, Left, Write.” We’re an international band of misfits and malcontents, ranging from newer writers all the way to published novelists and award winners. “Par for the Course” was reviewed and helped along by UDLW, for which I am eternally grateful. And a word of advice for all the writers out there: find a great writing community! They will sharpen your craft, hold you accountable to deadlines, and offer encouragement after that thousandth rejection letter.

Thanks to David for chatting with us about rotten apples and the terrible state of our world right now...