🥘 Annotated Draft Menu, Winter 2025 Prix-Fixe

[GM’s note: No prices are fixed right now. Eggs are still changing hour to hour. Do not call attention to this. “Winter 2025 Gustation” maybe?]

Appetizer

nettle orechiette, date, goat cheese, saba

carmelized beets, whipped ricotta, coffee reduction

[Solid twist on a classic. But with the 10% blanket tariff on coffee and additional 50% on Brazilian beans, sub chicory here, or maybe molasses.]

toasted enriched yeast roll, artisan curd, Maldon

[This is just bread and butter, right? Nice.]

Main

bourguignon, cipollini, melted parsnip, crouton

[Great job not naming the protein here – could be beef, could be an Impossible burger. Could be the chickpeas we bought in bulk before the tariffs started and now we can’t seem to move. Don’t say that though, obviously. “Chef’s choice.”]

chicken, scratch dumpling, Jerusalem artichokes, squish broth

[Really liking the nostalgia here, but it’s too political—call them “sunchokes” at least. And squish? You mean squash, I hope, because remember, we over-bought kabochas a few weeks back when we thought prices were trending down and could really use that walk-in space now.]

garlicky starchy rice-y risotto with spicy cheesy ricotta whip, crispy frizzly shallots

[Now you’re just messing with me.]

Side

lemony cabbage
cabbagey lemon
fries

[Guys. Come on.]

Dessert

ooey gooey soupy gluey choco slice - gluten-free

[What the actual fuck. This tasting menu costs $255 plus included 18% gratuity plus secret table service fee. Our job is comfort and escape, remember? Taking everyone’s mind off the news for a few hours? “Flourless chocolate cake” is fine, it’s retro.]

passionfruit ICE melt, watermelon gelee, rainbow sorbetto quenelle

[Jesus Christ, you guys are killing me. I know what you’re going for here. Believe me, I’d love to call it “Essence of the last days of summer catching lightning bugs in fruit-sticky hands under the big elms, when the ice pop melted on your tongue with the perfect sweetness of your own innocence, before masked January 6 parolees ran off all the paleteros and half our kitchen staff, and the city closed the park because of the homeless encampments, and you stopped going outside—except for very special occasions—because of the violence on the train and the teargas on your street, and you were forced to look at your dwindling savings account and face the certainty of the long and painful winter ahead.” But we can’t. How about “off-season sorbet”?]

tears of your enemies, revenge, chilled

[Okay, fine. It’s about the only thing that sounds good right now, anyway. Chef’s choice.]